If you’ve read my book, you know that I credit meditation with my weight loss. Truth be known, while I lost a lot of weight, I lost a lot of energetic weight as well and for that, I also credit meditation.
There had been some events in my life that had left me angry and damaged. Someone I loved very deeply was horribly hurt by two persons. I was angry and filled with hate for those two people. Even if I didn’t think about it daily, it was there, buried inside me and the pain of the damage that they did wouldn’t leave me.
I was also terribly hurt by not one but two addicted, abusive ex-spouses. Of these four people, two are dead now but the hate and anger had never gone away just because they had transitioned to the other side.
I am sure all of us carry some sort of deep-seated anger of a similar nature. I learned from a very gifted soul healer that this simply needed to go. This anger and hate does not serve us and tends to hold us back from growth and fulfilling our potential. Ask yourself this question: How does this anger, pain and hate help me? I’d venture a guess that you will be unable to find an true answer to that question.
Many have suffered and continue to suffer bullying in some form or another. Children carry the scars of the bullying and emotional abuse into adulthood and even to the grave. Again, it does you no service and it needs to go.
This is where you say “That’s easy for HER to say. She hasn’t lived it.” Well, I have and I was able to move past it. It was not easy but it can be done.
Here are a few tips. Meditation may help you get to the bottom of this. Go into your meditation with the intention of addressing these five items:
- Pinpoint the source of your anger or pain. This should not be a generalized feeling of pain, hate or anger. Most likely, it’s a person in your life or your past. You need to realize that this anger, pain or hate should be directed towards them. You should NEVER re-direct it to yourself. It simply isn’t logical!
- Examine this person from afar. He/she can no longer hurt you and you are now an adult who has proven your worth to yourself and others. OR you have moved forward in your life, away from the person who caused you anger and pain. If you look at this person now, through your current eyes, you will realize that he/she took their own frustrations with their own failures, their own fears, their own petty jealousy and their own insecurities out on you. You did nothing wrong. You really didn’t! They were able to control you if you felt the same fears, insecurities and self-doubt that they felt. If they controlled you, then they felt they were in control of themselves. In my case, the ex-husbands caused me great pain with their abuse, and yet I somehow blamed myself. As for the persons harming the person I loved, it was a jealousy issue on their part and their way to get to me was to hurt someone I loved.
- Generally, some form of psychological projection is at play with those who harm you. From Wikipedia: “humans defend themselves against unpleasant impulses by denying their existence in themselves, while attributing them to others. Example, a person who is rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude.” Knowing this, once you examine the personality of the person who has hurt you, you’ll find that their abuse was rooted in their own issues such as jealousy, hate and a feeling of helplessness. Perhaps they also projected their own values on you when yours were totally different. And how did they make you feel? Angry and helpless!
- See it for what it is. Now you can see that your own feelings of anger and hate are your defense and reaction to events that were not of your making.
- Now, it’s time to release it. I’m not suggesting that those first steps will rid you of this anger, hate and pain but these are necessary to begin the process to do so.
There are many ways to move forward from here. Much will depend on how deep seated it is and how long you’ve refused to address it and have kept it buried inside. There’s a very strong chance that the person who harmed you had done it in many previous lives, so it can be far more complex than you might think. If there is past life involvement and if you are unable to meditate your way beyond this hate and pain, then you may need the help of someone who works with past life trauma. (I’m happy to make a recommendation if you have an interest, in the comment section below.)
The key to ridding yourself of this toxic emotion is forgiveness. I know it may seem impossible right now but once you realize that it is NOT you and that the problem lies with the other person, the best thing you can do is to move towards forgiveness for their acts.
Now, that doesn’t mean you have to talk to them, discuss with them or even see them. You must find a way to forgive in your own heart. In my case, once I analyzed all of the persons involved and saw the problem was of course, not me, I had to forgive them. No, I’m not going to be ‘best friends’ and for that matter, I still energetically deny them access to my life.
I had to come to realize that they couldn’t help who they were. I began to see them as sad characters who were incapable of moving past their own insecurities, jealousies, addictions and fears. I then could forgive them, and even more, in my meditation, I could wish them the best on their life paths.
After this, you may find that these characters still haunt you. Have hope! There are things you can do to physically remove them from your energy field. I had to do this with my ex-husband.
This is the method that works for me: I wrote on small pieces of paper, each and every way he harmed me. I then went outside to our patio with a box of matches and sat calmly and breathed deeply a few minutes, asking my guides to help me. With the intention of removing the energy and damage of the ex from my life, I lit each piece of paper and placed it in a large flower pot of sand, watching it burn. I watched the smoke rise and then realized that the awful things were gone. I saw the smoke curl into the ethers and the negative emotions were gone. I repeated this with each piece of paper until they were all burned. Then I simply breathed and felt lighter, knowing that all the pain was gone. I keep that sand-filled flower pot on our patio and it is always there for worries and pain that I can’t get rid of any other way.
The forgiveness made space in my heart and soul for positive growth. I prefer to think that getting rid of the anger and hate I’d held on to for so long, gave my body permission to get rid of the weight that I’d held on to as well. It was like there was a bright new sunrise in my life – a new day!